EastEnders tough guy, a vision in purple, meets Bobby ‘Orange’ Crush. It must be panto!

by Jeremy Miles

What not to wear in the Queen Vic. EastEndders Scott Maslen as Abanazar. Picture by Hattie Miles

What not to wear in the Queen Vic. EastEndders Scott Maslen as Abanazar. Picture by Hattie Miles

My lunchtime companions yesterday were head-turning to say the least. One was a crazed seven foot tall laundry owner with bright orange hair, outrageous frock and a basket full of cleaning products on her head. Another was an EastEnders hunk in a get-up that suggested Star Wars had launched an attack on the Arabian Knights’ dressing up box. While the third was a professional cheeky chappy who had turned Chinese especially for the occasion.

Yes it’s panto press-call time again. That annual foray into gentle madness when the media get invited to meet (and photograph) the stars of the forthcoming local pantomime.  In previous years I have found myself being asked to hold Brian Cant’s wig, watched as Matthew Kelly in full piratical garb lent his hook to someone to for “technical reasons” and heard how Roy Hudd received a £6,000  bill after the private phone in his dressing room was accidentally confused with the main billing line for the entire local council.

Bobby Crush as Widow Twankey  Picture: Hattie Miles

Bobby Crush as Widow Twankey Picture: Hattie Miles

In this case  the pantomime is  Aladdin which will play the Bournemouth Pavilion from  Saturday 7th December until Sunday 5th of January. The principal stars were veteran entertainer and pianist Bobby Crush playing Dame – the inimitable Widow Twankey; Scott Maslen, who until very recently played Jack Branning in EastEnders, as the evil Abanazer and Cbeebies favourite Chris Jarvis as Wishee Washee.

Chris, who is also the show’s director and wrote the script, reckons his cast make a great team and all get on splendidly together. I can understand his enthusiasm. Unbridled bonhomie backstage isn’t always evident. However this bunch seemed to genuinely be having a good time as they posed for pictures and then gave lunchtime interviews to the attendant ‘meeja’.

Watch this space and several others to discover what great revelations were made. Hear how Scott is preparing to swap prime-time soap star adulation for the boos and hisses of outraged 10-year-olds. Learn what Bobby wears under his dress and how Chris, fed up with off-the-shelf adaptations, was determined to break the mould and write an all-new pantomime.

Chris Jarvis as Wishee Washee Picture: Hattie Miles

Chris Jarvis as Wishee Washee Picture: Hattie Miles

One little surprise for me was Bobby’s admission ( I didn’t ask he just suddenly blurted it out) that Orville the Duck pays his rent. Well some of it. For Bobby actually wrote Keith Harris and Orville’s early eighties hit Orville’s Song ( I Wish I Could Fly).

Now personally I’d keep quiet about something like that but Bobby told me: “I love the notoriety.” Ventriloquist Harris and his puppet released the song in December 1982. Irritating though it was it was incredibly successful that Christmas and peaked at number four in the charts in January 1983. “It ended up selling over 300,000 copies. I got a  silver disc.”

Just to put that into perspective those sales were achieved at a time when there was still a thriving singles market and the recording industry was in rude health. These days you can get into the top ten with sales of just 5,000 or 6,000. A 300,000 selling record in 2013 would be eligible for platinum disc status.  Quackers or what?

Bobby told me somewhat gleefully that Orville’s Song was recently voted one of the worst records to ever make the top ten. He doesn’t care. “ It’s money in the bank to me. It took me just five days to write  and my accountant says it was the best five days work I ever did because the royalties just keep coming in.”

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